Internal Family Systems Therapy in New York

Many people have challenging relationships with their parents or caregivers and they may struggle with this well into adulthood. This is not uncommon, particularly if they were raised by critical parents. Sometimes, this difficulty with primary caregivers leads us to struggle with vulnerability in other relationships – we may find ourselves fearful of rejection and doing whatever we can to avoid it. The result of experiencing repeated, unwanted behavior in a relationship is sometimes referred to as complex or relational trauma – something we often see in our clients at Steady NYC.

Internal Family Systems addresses complex or relational trauma.

Working with one of our professional therapists, Internal Family Systems therapy can help people re-parent themselves and find the compassion for their inner child that they may have lacked when they were younger.

Most of our parts form at a very young age. As adults, we walk around with these parts that taught us lessons and all serve a good purpose. However, during the parts work, we get to learn more about them. We learn about the emotions surrounding the parts. How long has that emotion been around? What is it afraid of? Where did it come from? What did it need back at that early age, and perhaps most importantly, what does it need today, right now, in order to heal?

IFS looks at the parts of us, and their coping patterns, that formed during these difficult experiences, knowing that they may have helped people to cope initially. But now, they no longer serve the greater purpose.

By mentioning these parts and putting them out into the open, they become more manageable and malleable. It’s like when the Wizard of Oz was exposed from behind the curtain — once he was revealed, his powers weren’t as mystifying or dazzling.

TV host and educator Mister Rogers articulated it beautifully when he said, “Feelings are mentionable and if they’re mentionable, then they’re manageable.”

When we’re young, we’re born with tons of curiosity! We’re untarnished because our parts haven’t formed yet. But as we develop and grow, we have many experiences that teach us about trust, about what to fear, and about what to love.

During these experiences, we develop parts of ourselves that have learned these lessons and learned to cope. All of these lessons and experiences become parts of ourselves and manifest later when we become adults. Some parts do not cause struggle while others do. Consider a child who learned that the dark is scary — somewhere along the way something happened that made them learn to fear the dark. Now, as an adult, if there is a power outage or blackout at work or home the old fears and coping mechanisms may return.

In Internal Family Systems therapy, we get to know all of the parts and we figure out why the part was formed initially and what it’s protecting us from. Once we do that, we can then see what the part needs now in order to heal.

When you work with one of our trusted and highly trained therapists, you will be with a gentle, compassionate listener who provides a safe, nonjudgmental space for healing and growth. Our therapists guide every client to give themselves what they need in a healthy, respectful way.

Our aim is to help every client to be comfortable in their own skin and safe in their own being. We want you to be free from unhelpful patterns and behaviors and to have a mindset that embraces the notion that:

I am safe and welcome.
I belong here.
I feel understood and seen.
I am lovable.
I can trust.
I have self-acceptance.